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Add comedic genius to President Obama’s growing list of honorific monikers. The jester-in-chief tested some of his brand new material on the Business Roundtable executives yesterday, to rave reviews.
When wearing his Stand Up Comic hat, the President is known to deliver snide, irreverent, and always hilarious bits dripping with sarcasm and B.O.’s famous sardonic wit. Yesterday’s afternoon set was no different.
In a sort of ask-the-audience exit poll, audience members were nearly unanimous in their choice of the President’s line, “I am an ardent believer in the free market” as the funniest.
Still struggling with composure, laugh-induced tears streaming down his face, an aging oil baron struggled to comment, his voice high and shrill as he fought continuing giggles. “Funniest damn thing I ever heard,” he stammered loudly. “This is the guy who nationalized GM and fired their president!”
Many see Obama’s recent material as a continuation of the solo straight-man/funny man act he’s employed since the 2008 campaign season; an act that has gotten progressively funnier since enjoying an actual legislative and policy making platform.
Paul Hankson of the Presidential Comedic Society commented on the practical differences between the humor of Obama the candidate, and Obama the President.
“On the campaign trail, we knew what he was getting at, and we could guess how he would govern, given the chance. But at that time the dichotomy was really limited to that between what policies he might embrace one day, and the self-descriptions he’d vocalize the next. The real hilarity began with post-election clips, posted primarily on the Internet, that showed banners and promises of “change” next to continued Bushist policies in the Middle East, hawkish foreign policy advisers hostile to sovereignty, and endless spending. It was business as usual despite the endless promises of “change.” That was the joke, and it was exciting to see people staring to get it.”
Asked about public outcry regarding the President saying one thing and doing the opposite, Hankson was unmoved. While some people appear to be upset and honestly think the President continues to lie when he makes assertions like those denying his love of socialism, claims that he is friendly to business and despises taking over private companies, Hankson calmly explained, “Listen, those people just don’t understand the reality. They think that breaking promises is dishonesty. But it’s not a lie–it’s just a funny bit he does. I mean be honest, how many times over the years have you heard someone say, ‘God, this president’s a joke?’
February 25th, 2010
Artus Register
Odd as it may seem, people are unhappy with government. So found a recent Washington Post-ABC News poll. It is almost unimaginable that people would be displeased at being ruled by an impossibly large Beast that exists parasitically off of their labor, puts them in cages for victimless “crimes,” lies to them every second, forces itself into regulating every aspect of their lives, assumes it knows much better than do the people, disobeys its own rules, and has, almost from its inception, held the chilling distinction of being the greatest murderer, most prolific kidnapper, biggest thief, and worst polluter.
As shocking is the belief that the bulk of money stolen collected by Washington is frittered away rather than used for some meaningful purpose.
On average, the public estimates that 53 cents of every tax dollar they send to Washington is “wasted.”
Comically, despite having an inverted Midas’ Touch in that everything the state comes in contact with turns into a putrid, steaming pile of wholly digested sustenance, government proposes to fix every problem, none more pressing than those created by government itself. In order to repair that which is both in reality and imagination, broken, government forces the people to pay, regardless of the reality that less could easily be paid for better services or repairs on the open market.
So backward is the thinking of those that comprise government, that the disapproval itself will have to be addressed with a combination of increased revenues, and a surrender of additional liberties.
Note: In typical fashion, the referenced article, which started out making a serious and important point about the evolving attitude of Americans, once thought terminally complacent, shifted gears mentioning the manifestation of the angry and disenfranchised before equating the “tea party” movement with the quasi-statist, neo-neocon ramblings of alleged rogue Sarah Palin. Ignoring the plain reality, the Post writers even suggested that Palin is the Tea Party crowd’s first choice for the GOP nomination in 2012.
February 11th, 2010
Artus Register
9:10 - They’ve introduced the Emperor twice now
9:12 - <Choke> Obama just opened by referencing the U.S. Constitution
9:13 - Casual swipe at the Confederacy
9:14 - Setting the stage for the concept of we’re-all-in-this-together
9:15 - Lies begin about how EVERYONE agreed government “had to act” to save the economy. Announced that “the worst is over.” Those continuing to lose jobs are likely unaware of this..
9:15 - A few short minutes in he channels “for the children” and bi-partisanism.
9:16 - We’re all the same. Second mention of “the children.”
9:17 - He’s “never been more hopeful about America’s future.” <cue applause sign>
9:18 - ‘Division is bad’ (but he’ll spend the rest of the night deliberately being divisive). “People deserve a government that matches their decency” (no word on deserving a government that doesn’t put law abiding people and other non-aggressors in cages over plants and leaves.)
9:19 - He had to shore up the banks, but he HATED to do it. Poor guy. He said it three times.
9:20 - He did what needed to be done and he rescued the economy and made it transparent (though we still have no idea where the “bailout” money went because the Fed is still top secret)
9:20 - ‘We need bank fees’–the Democrats clap enthusiastically over the prospect a new tax!
9:21 - B.O. is suddenly opposed to the bonuses paid to bailed out firms, and they need to pay back “the taxpayers.” Hilarious stuff.
9:22 - “We cut taxes for 95% of working families,” then he named everyone who received one. No mention of the coming enormous tax increase in the form of hyper-inflation.
9:23 - Because of the steps “we took” two million Americans are presently employed who would be out of work. 1.5 million more jobs are on the way thanks to “The Recovery Act, aka the Stimulus Bill.” This is already getting hard to listen to.
9:24 - Stories about the awesomeness of the Recovery Act are unlimited, and things are speeding toward perfection.
9:25 - Despite the sheer awesomeness of the plan and execution, many are out of work. But now a call for a “Jobs Bill?” (Can’t wait.) “The true engine of job creation in this country will always be America’s businesses.” Wow. Really? “But government can create the conditions necessary for businesses to expand and hire more workers.” No word on removing the countless obstacles to business and job creation or the penalties for hiring a domestic worker.
9:27 - Billions more to the banks will create jobs because banks are only lending to big companies. Starved for profits, aren’t banks lending to any person of business that represents a good risk?
9: 29 - Tax credits to businesses (favored one’s, I’m sure). The broken clock finally gets something right: “Let’s eliminate all capital gains taxes on small business investment, and provide a tax incentive…to invest in new plants and equipment.”
9:31 - Put Americans to work on infrastructure. Referenced light rail plan in Tampa that will only work with subsidies that hide the true cost. The repeated references to ‘infrastructure’ and ‘clean energy’ sound a lot like FDR’s make-work nonsense that EXTENDED the depression. Anyone who doesn’t believe Washington wants to EXTEND this recession/depression must admit the only alternative view: this president is an idiot. There is no other way to look at the deliberate repeating of horrible mistakes.
9:33 - “…it is time to finally slash the tax breaks for companies that ship our jobs overseas, and give those tax breaks to companies that create jobs right here in the United States of America.” in Reality-Based English:
It’s time to penalize companies government has forced overseas, and put a tariff on their goods raising prices on American citizens who want to buy from American-owner companies. Brilliant.
9:36 - ‘The House has passed a bill granting government the authority to mess up the job situation further, and I encourage the Senate to do the same.’ Awesome.
9:38 - ‘People are out of work and they need our help’ Are you sure they don’t just need your boot off their necks?
Only government can help the unemployment situation that greed and the free market caused.
9:42 - ‘I was told addressing big issues like the economic road ahead was too ambitious. But I can solve any problem with Uncle Sam’s checkbook, and authority I don’t legally have.’
9:43 - Other nations are doing things and we will too, con sarnit! We aren’t going to wait. “As hard as it may be…it’s time to get serious about fixing the problems that are hampering our growth [except reducing the size, cost, and scope of government, those are perpetually good ideas].”
“One place to start is serious financial reform.” [Insert nonsense about what 'nearly brought down our economy]. Here comes the call for uber-regulation.
[Was away from keyboard for 8-10 minutes, but by the sound of my wife's groaning and yelling at the TV, I missed some really good (bad) stuff.]
9:57 - ‘We need to spend more tax payer money on community college.’
9:59 - ‘It is still vital that we socialize medicine. Let’s clear some things up. Here’s the deal (laughter indicates hilarity). The reason I took up this issue is because I’ve heard awful stories. The only way to improve health care is to force companies to do XY and Z. Increased competition that would offer enormous savings and better policies by eliminating the prohibition on companies selling to people in other states is a non-issue. The power of government is what’s important here. And although we have zero authority to do so, we’re going to keep fighting to nationalize medical care and hope the $1.2 trillion dollars it will cost will fall into our laps. Whatever the cost, I’m not walking away from [insert sad story].’
‘If you have a better idea, let me know (so I can pretend I didn’t hear it).’
[vomit break]
10:11 - Repeats the lie: “At the beginning of the last decade, America had a budget surplus of over $200 billion.” Yawn, then vomit. Refers to prior lie as ‘fact.’ Trillions in debt and the “surplus” fairy tale is still being told.
10:13 - ‘We added to the surplus but we had to because we needed to save the economy from the free market and greed. And remember, the bubble caused by state-mandated easy credit and manufactured wealth had nothing to do with government.’
10:52 - Mr. Obama just suggested that we “try common sense,” after pretending that his administration bears no responsibility for this massive deficit. He also said he hasn’t seated lobbyists in his administration, and has always been opposed to doing so, despite people like Eric Holder, Tom Vilsack, William Lynn, William Corr, David Hayes, Mark Patterson, Ron Klain, Mona Sutphen, Melody Barnes, Cecilia Munoz, Patrick Gaspard, Michael Strautmanis being tapped or seated.
That last blatant lie pushed me over the edge. I can’t hear anymore. There are simply too any blatant lies coming forth from my television, and it is sickening. In fairness, the SOTU Addresses held by the preceding president were equally dishonest and filled with as many infuriating calls for more government. I tire of the correcting the untruths, stomaching the lies, and listening to the poisoned concepts that government trumps freedom, and individualism is secondary to collectivism and statism. I’ve recorded the program and may tackle the remainder when I have recovered.
January 27th, 2010
admin
The truth isn’t always pretty, popular, or palpable. But it remains the truth. In many areas, the truth is sacrificed for the closely guarded alternative realities of “conventional” wisdom; particularly in times like these. As Senator Hiram Warren Johnson once said, “Truth is the first casualty of war.”
Indeed.
While the claim is rampant, and the sacredity of the cow unquestionable, the reality of our American military personnel is much different. Those fighting a phantom enemy in Iraq and Afghanistan are not fighting for our freedom. Those dying in those theaters of wartime absurdity have not been killed in the service of their country, nor have they made, as is often said, the ultimate sacrifice for we the living.
Though it is much less poetic, and devoid of the tearful, pride-swollen romance of popular sentiment, the dead Americans in the pointless and illegal conflict in Iraq, and the nation-building experiment in Afghanistan have died not for freedom, but for its opposite. These lives have been sacrificed for government. The deaths are part of a not-so-secret neo-conservative plan to remake the world in the shape of “big government conservatism,” (ala PNAC) and to give the United nations a permanent place in the Middle East, another swipe at US sovereignty and step giant leap toward global government.
There was never the slightest threat to U.S. national security posed by a prostrate Iraq, too weakened by sanctions to seriously concern any nation. Without a threat, there can be no protection. Without protection there is no glamorous hero’s death died by our betrayed countrymen.
The other war is at once different and similar. It would matter were our focus on al-Qaeda. But our military is instead focused on spraying Roundup on poppy fields (which drives up the price of heroin, and thus increases drug-related crime domestically), and chasing disorganized remnants of the Taliban, even after we trained an army and installed a government to do this very thing.
It will be said that some vast conspiracy succeeded in hiding the illusive WMDs in Iraq, and that the Taliban may justly be pursued unto the ends of the earth for harboring al-Qaeda operatives (apparently Pakistan harboring such terrorists is permissible).
Other than actually pursuing al-Qaeda in the months after 9/11, one would search in vain for a time since World War II that American military personnel died while protecting the rest of us from a real enemy. This sad reality does not result in fewer claims to the contrary.
So on this Memorial Day, when we are asked to quietly believe the deceit of our “leaders,” and listen silently to the warm, fuzzy lies of all who wish to sound patriotic by repeating the fictions that allow the state to demand more pointless deaths, we should pause to reflect on the reality. We should neither weep in silence, nor nod in agreement. We should instead demand a return to the just war theory, and insist that elected officials charged with commanding our brave men and women in uniform place them in harm’s way solely in the defense of the Republic; not for the benefit of foreign tyrants, blue flags of despotism, or the revived, frightening call for empire.
May 25th, 2009
Artus Register
Imagine an obsessive golfer claiming he hates the sport, or a typical shopaholic making bizarre statements about her hatred of finding a good deal. What would you think about your cousin, the reality TV junkie swearing she can’t stand the contrived, scripted nonsense she can’t miss a second of. Crap, right? And those above would be fairly categorized as liars, or crazy people.
Enter U.S. President and flawless messiah, Barack Obama.
Turns out, gaffing the economy, blaming everyone but the guilty (government), destroying industry, playing God, and attempting to outmaneuver umutable, natural laws is a dirty job, but, sadly, somebody’s got to do it.
That this latest incarnation of a state power is a liar is plain to see, and saying so should shock no one outside cave dwellings. But the blatancy has become similar to the examples in the opening paragraph. The latest whopper doubtless caused many a double take, and an instant did he really say that? check.
He doesn’t like to meddle in the free market.
During a another discourse in patent dishonesty, the unabashed socialist-cum-fascist made the following statements, presumably with a straight face:
If you could tell me right now that when I walked into this office, that the banks were humming, that autos were selling, and that all you had to worry about was Iraq, Afghanistan, North Korea, getting health care passed, figuring out how to deal with energy independence, deal with Iran, and a pandemic flu, I would take that deal.
I want to disabuse people of this notion that somehow we enjoy, you know, meddling in the private sector.
The best way to accomplish such a feat would be to stop doing it, or at least stop smiling as you pillage away accomplishment and pretend to wield more power than the natural laws of mathematics, economics, and human desire.
And that’s why I’m always amused when I hear these, you know, criticisms of, oh, you know, Obama wants to grow government. No. I would love a nice, lean portfolio to deal with, but that’s not the hand that’s been dealt us.
Yes, Mr. President, critics calling things exactly the way they exist in reality is hilarious. Laugh it up, buddy. History will rightly remember you as the destroyer of free enterprise, the man who murdered the greatest system in the greatest country in history. And you dealt the hand.
So Mr. Obama would take a deal that allowed him a little extra time to focus on complete economic fascism, and destruction of only these select areas of illegality? Of course he would. He’s in no hurry. The next crisis will afford government the opportunity to use it’s reverse-Midas Touch on other industries. What’s the rush? He has eight years to corral the entirety of the free market, and transform it into a motionless pile of socialist stagnation.
To paraphrase this insane megalomaniac:
If I could illegally use the power, might, and economic strength of this government to insert my opinion into places from which it is Constitutionally forbidden, pretend I am a king, rather than a President, continue illegal, undeclared wars and further weaken the dollar through unlawful nation building, pretend government can solve every issue and that I have extensive medical knowledge, uproot the medical ingenuity tree that is free market health care, blame everything possible on the concept of liberty, and use government to try to solve an energy issue that government created, I would.
I hate to meddle.
April 30th, 2009
admin
That novay Bolshevik Timothy Geithner, the man Obama has likened to a faultless economic messiah, has somehow managed to make some deadly accurate statements as of late.
The AP is reporting that:
Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said Monday that the severe banking crisis shows the U.S. financial system failed a major test and is in need of an overhaul.
Geithner told a Washington conference that the Obama administration plans to work with Congress to put in place a stronger, more stable system with a modernized government regulatory structure.
“Our system basically failed its most fundamental test,” he said in remarks to a conference sponsored by the Wall Street Journal. “It was too fragile.”
Spot on, Tim! If you meant any of that in a real-world, spot-the-obvious, why-is this elephant-in-the-room sort of way, well, you’d be asked to give your Workers of the World Unite card back. In reality, those truly interested in economic recovery do not find themselves in an alliance with Mr. Geithner. Rather he is laying new ground in the field of logical fallacies.
Coming close and missing by miles has become a recent trademark for Geithner:
In his appearance Monday night, Geithner said it was critical that the government make the needed reforms.
“The world is watching us to see if we have the will and ability to fix this,” he said.
He called it a “terrible, tragic thing” that the country did not have better tools such as the power to take over major institutions when the crisis hit with force last fall.
The terrible tragedy is that the country is not in possession of more than one leader willing to try freedom for a change. The travesty of ignorance or deliberate sabotage is that Obama, Geithner, & Co. are hard at work blaming the free market for the ill-effects of central banking, state-created boom and bust cycles, absurd regulations, and forced loans made with easy money and baseless credit.
They might as well hang the Kennedy assassination on the Magna Carta, and ban the NYSE to ensure future political murders are rendered impossible. To the new destroyers at the helm the best way to combat a raging inferno is to pay the original arsonist to set more and larger fires, ensuring complete destruction.
The proper “actions” and “reforms” government should take are simple and easily calculable: slash spending, and get the hell out of the way. But this administration has thus far declared war on logic, and have raked over the breadcrumbs that lead from this crisis to the childish government that left them as it seeks out fear-induced demons to slay with the gavel of declaratory idiocy.
With a messianic president and his angelic guard swearing to the existence of Freedom Phantoms that feed on the flesh and prosperity of the nation, the salvation of reason can only be found in action: a concerted and heart-felt promise to replace any reactionary idiots in either House of Congress who assist with the de factco transformation of the once great Republic into a socialist cesspool of abject poverty.
Comrades Obama and Geithner must be made aware that runaway government, not the free market, caused, and worsened this crisis, and that only capitalism, not corporatism, socialism, or a fundamental and overt shift toward European-style soft Marxism, is capable of righting the ship of American economic power.
March 24th, 2009
Artus Register
The concept that John McCain would behave exactly like George W. Bush was terrifying for many Americans, and thus an effective campaign tool for the Obama crowd. There were even popular bumper stickers that admonished the thought of a McCain Administration, warning us: McCain: Bush’s Third Term.
It is safe to assume that exactly zero Obama voters ever considered the possibility of their man playing the same role. They probably don’t see it now, either.
The mainstream media’s excitement over the new Administration’s “reversals” of Bush policy is the stuff of headlines, comedy show monologues, and supporter’s bloviations. But despite the droning on about such decisions, the Obama Administration has–in most major areas–parroted the arrogant and unlawful policies of its predecessor.
In the foreign policy arena, Obama and company have promised to copy the Iraq surge in Afghanistan, spending countless billions more in cash and untold quantities of American blood for increasingly vague objectives. The Afghan theater spilling into Pakistan is almost a foregone conclusion. And despite sincere-sounding rhetoric, we aren’t exactly rushing out of the abortion the U.S. has made of Iraq.
Obamanomics needs no explanation, and can enjoy no justification. But for every right-winger shouting “Marxist!” there are three stubborn examples of Bush 43’s abject socialism, indulgent squandering, and exponential government growth.
So-called conservatives (whatever that word means in the post-Bush era) are vocally, and legitimately, if hypocritically, concerned about Obama’s plans to tax and spend, expand government, and gut the Constitution. But it seems such misdeeds don’t count when political and economic tyranny is perpetuated by a Republican the media’s broken compass has signaled as “a staunch conservative” and “strict constructionist.” To the alleged Right, it is the letter that decides the morality of positions, rather than actions: a (D) apparently means “Damn communist!” while an (R) indicaties, “Right on, man!”
The sad reality is that anyone remotely concerned with a healthy economy, the continued survival of a partially-free market, or the rule of law, should be too hoarse from calling for Bush’s head for the past eight years to say much of anything. Those who didn’t certainly have no room to admonish Obama for sins he has not yet committed.
Fortunately as one who recognized the Bush fraud very early, and who experienced daily blood pressure spikes from continued subjugation to W’s endless stream of lies and shattered promises, I am exercising my reserved right to verbally accost this administration and predict the worst kind of governance–a lot of it. Unlike the denizens of hypocrisy that compose the rank-and-file Republicans, I do not spell tyranny f-r-e-e-d-o-m when a Republican dons the jack boots.
Despite the little Easter eggs of difference that will be played up by the media’s abysmal huger for sensationalism and division, this administration will likely do a great service to the cause of freedom by slaying once and for all the perpetual myth that any true and substantive differences exist between the two major political parties.
March 22nd, 2009
Artus Register
In an apparently attempt to publish important news, the brilliant, thumb-on-the-nation’s-pulse minds at Time have not only constructed an article informing us that some “senior officials” in the new administration drink Coca-Cola products, ut managed to have this dedunged excrement published by allegedly professional news outlets.
Important stuff, that.
This might be forgivable were we in a slow news year with readers tire of hearing about the social and economic utopia, lack of dead Americans, jobs apleanty fed by diminutive taxations, etc. But with a plan at the cliff’s edge that will finish off the dollar, a fresh new “surge” in the works for the abysmal failure that is the Afghan war, and statist policies offering endless kicks to the ribs of Liberty, Time is seriously reporting on governmental soft drink preferences. And it isn’t a two-sentence blurb, either.
Michael Scherer cranked out a detailed nine-paragrapher–The Obama Team’s Drink of Choice? Coke, Not Pepsi–that chronicled his investigative journalistic skills, telling of his exploits in the White House recycle bins, revealing the product of crunched numbers, and gifting faithful readers with in-depth analysis of carbonated beverage choices among those currently sporting the jackboots of power.
It is good to know that is such perilous times, the watch dogs at the world’s last (fairly) free press are doing their jobs. Riveting stuff.
But lest Time be alone relegated to the ninth circle of journalistic hell, this writer would be blissfully ignorant that this steaming pile of irrelevance existed were it not for comanies like Yahoo, whose “news” division thought this tripe to be not only newsworthy, but the sixth most important thing happening in the world as of 2:13 am, February 28th.
February 28th, 2009
admin
The Labor Department–a shameful and disgusting example of government agencies that exist solely for the sake of sounding necessary–surprised no one by stating that a lot of jobs were lost last month, and that it was a lot worse than the previous January
Breaking news like this is made possible with a mere $53.1 billion budget.
No word on whether the bloated, bureaucratic and mostly-unnecessary government the labor Department exists under has any plans to shut off the misery valve opened wide with the endless spend-and-print-athon that the Republicans began and Democrats are eagerly continuing. But it is fairly safe to assume that we will be receiving these multi-billion dollar updates on the worsening job market for some time to come.
February 25th, 2009
admin
It isn’t the quantity of increased socialism critics oppose, its the quality.
State-sponsored insanity of steal-from-the-haves continues to snowball, and continues to be met with complaints that the theft, ignorance, and awful life lessons should be worsened.
Students whose parents are delinquent on their children’s government school lunch accounts may be gifted a lower-end meal from the local tax-payers.
Some school districts are instituting a “cheese sandwich” policy, designed to cut the cost of feeding children who aren’t yours. Some parents complain that this special, low end meal comprised of a cold cheese sandwich and carton of milk singles out these children, and is potentially embarrassing. Government, however, is not the slightest bit embarrassed that the entire “public” school system is funded with money taken at gun point from many people who do not even have children. Still, those clamoring for fairness may have a point.
The cheese sandwich doctrine applies only to parents who can afford to feed their kids, but do not. The offspring of professional parasites needn’t worry–the inability to pay anything will not cause your child the slightest discomfort, as they are left free to enjoy the same standard fare as kids from wealthy families, who are actually buying several lunches.
February 25th, 2009
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